The Spoilt Child

I wish things never went the way they did.
I wish Your dreams were mine...
OR that my dreams were Yours.
I’m so selfish by nature, You may have realised. Have I forgotten that I’m a slave to You now & that really and truly, I should have no agenda of my own?
I suppose I just went along with Your free Gift Lord; not necessarily accepting the fact that with the Gift comes death to self. It seems I thought the Gift was more of an accessory to life.
You should’ve found me repulsive because of that but instead... You called me.
You called me closer and closer to You but I fought and squirmed like a child displeased with what You had to offer.
“No thank you!” I screamed. “Can’t you see I’m fine!?”
You didn’t seem surprised at my reaction.
You reached for my hand but I clutched tightly to what I wanted (& sometimes still want).
You waited...& waited...
And out of frustration and partial surrender, I released my grip, allowing my ‘stuff’ to fall.
My name You whispered, inviting me to take another step. Not only did You want me to surrender what I had; You wanted me to receive something else; hold onto to a greater fascination. I quickly flashed my arms and then folded them; leaving them that way for a while.
“You’re being unfair Daddy!!” I complained. “What about Your other children?!”
His love began to feel like unwanted attention. I couldn’t see WHY my life was such a big deal. Why’d it matter so much to Him, what I held onto?
I thought the fact that I am His would be enough.
I stood there still, with my back turned and folded arms, occasionally glancing to the side to see if He’d left.
He was still there. He wouldn’t leave.
He looked patient, loving; even though I’ve been a terrible child. I began to reflect and my heart sank. My burden finally weighed me down and I collapsed.
Still He was there...
“Come”, He whispered.
“I ... I can’t make it Lord.”
“Come” He whispered again.
“I don’t deserve it! I’m bitter Lord.”
“Just come my love.” He urged.
I crawled to His feet where I just laid, Desolately
trying to muster up the strength to murmur “Help me”, but the words would not come out...
So there I laid silently, desperately, with no life, no thoughts, no desires...
Knowing somewhere inside that
He’d lift me up.

Dare I go there..?

They say beliefs surrounding religion is one thing that we are advised not to discuss. We are told to be open minded and to respect all the options that are out there. With that said, dare I go there..?

I won't keep silent for I know the truth..
Which other god describes himself like mine?
Don't be afraid. Be a rebel & check it out!

Whose signature can you find on every item of creation?
The very One you doubt.
& Although you doubt the Author of Life, He takes little offense to it because He is still overcome with love for you.
Who else can you think of who's willing to pour out nothing but pure love to you? Who welcomes our empty hands held high in worship as though we are giving Him the greatest gift?
Which other god can you not look into the face of because his glory shines so brightly?
Let's reason.. Buddha? Allah? Confucius? Marx? Brahman? ...Satan?

Many say " I believe in a superior being but I'm just not sure how there can be only one when people worship so many. How do you know yours is true?"
Tell me something.. which other god has sought after your soul, offering a kind of fulfillment which can be found nowhere else?
Which other god chooses his people?
Which other god meets us where we are and has no other requirements except that we accept and follow Him wholeheartedly & love Him all our heart, mind, body & soul?

We all proclaim that humans fall short; that we are imperfect; but by whose standards?? How can the concept of perfection even exist if we say we don't know Perfection Himself?
Never thought about it right?
So which other lord presented another option for the fate of sinners?
Name another lord who welcomes every type of sinner and who declares that by His blood ANYONE can be washed clean?
Can you find another king who left his throne of Grace and became flesh to redeem us and be disgraced by us in the process??

Enlighten me if you can, of another god who disproves of RELIGION but simply urges us to fall deeply in love with the ONLY Righteous One.
You see, I'm open for options but I'm yet to come across another god who declares that he is in need of nothing I can give & even if I were to stop praising him, he would still reign over the earth because the very earth He created would glorify Him!

I can't help but notice that no other offers a love so incomprehensible to all, which shows that His love is above and beyond all.
Where else can I find one who says our fate is not dependent on how good or bad we are and that it is not our works but our faith that makes us righteous?
Find me one who is like the Lord my God, Jehovah, Abbah, Jesus Christ.

To the omnipresent, jealous, holy, perfect God; To the one who gives and takes away; The only Truth, the Reigning King, my heart's desire; the image of perfection who yearns for fallen souls;
To you my Love... I raise my life.

The Vision of my Mission

I
am
on
a
mission.
The urgency of this mission can be compared with.........
Absolutely Nothing.
Drop everything & come with me
as I reveal the vision of this mission.
You see, I was told that there's this complementary Prize being offered to all & well I.. I've become an official promoter - a fisher of men.
The journey has begun & it won't stop until we've reached our Final Destination.
Straight ahead is the sea of Disappointment. I step into waters I was once familiar with, looking for that boy who's been waiting his whole life; that boy who's searched for something all his life, but has been disappointed time and time again. "I understand", I whisper, " But come with me. I've a gift that won't disappoint you."

I-am-on-a-mission-
to the shores that are being washed by the sea of Loneliness. As I arrive, I spot the girl who's lost so many; the girl whose tears, few can see & who strains to fake that smile. She searches for hope in the form of best friends and boyfriends but realises that they come.... & they go. "Come here Lonely One. Hold my hand & I'll take you to this Gift that'll NEVER leave you nor forsake you."
I am on a mission & I must make a stop to my left. I take off my shoes and walk towards the filthy sea of extreme Poverty. Streams of tears flow from my eyes as I wipe the tears of a starving child. I have so much & yet he has so little!, I begin to think. The child clings to my outstretched hand & I lift him into my arms. "I have something for you. Accept it & you will hunger and thirst no more."

I am on a mission.
Excuse my haste but this is urgent!
Look at the thousands drowning in the sea of Blind Contentment. In this sea I find the lady who thinks she has made it; the one with the degrees & the high profile job; the lady who unconsciously gives all credit to money and education. Wading in that same sea is the conceited girl and the Good People who religiously believe that all is well once you are "good". Oh how great their surprise will be when they get to the Final Destination. "Join me Blindly Contented Ones, your eyes will be opened as I take you to the ONLY source of True Contentment."

I am on a mission
& as a fisher of men, I make my way to the sea of Confusion. I walk towards the skeptic teen who wonders 'Can there really be a God in a world filled with pain and confusion?' The atheist tugs at one arm while I firmly hold the other. I glance at the self righteous 'Christian' who's got it all twisted, the Muslim, Hindu & Buddhist who secretly yearns for more. "Snap out of this trance and come with me. You and I know that your soul longs to meet One who is incomparable to all others. I have a Gift that will be hard to resist."

So this is my mission & it's almost complete. The Gift that you've been waiting for has been waiting all along. His name is Jesus Christ & he suffered a most horrific death just so we may be made whole again. Who is like the Lord my God?! In His presence, no one is lacking. There is no disappointment, loneliness, denial, hunger or confusion IN Christ.
Flee from your seas of destruction and take a drink from
the Living Water
for ONLY then, will this mission be accomplished.

Surrender

Surrender...hmm..that's possibly the sweetest & most difficult thing one can do. The majority of this post is the lyrics of a song by Barlowgirl. I downloaded the song 1day even though at that point I had never heard it before. The 1st two days I played the song I thought it sounded nice but I never really listened 2 the words. The third time I ever played the song ( which was the first time I ACTUALLY listened to the words) I ended up in tears instantly. The words sounded a little tooo familiar. They were my EXACT thoughts & God's exact words. Take a look at the words. They mirror the thoughts I once had. The sections in bold are the parts that stood out even more to me.God calls us all to surrender..our lives, our will, our ALL. No matter what your plans are, TRUST ME, God's plans are greater..they are flawless; they are complete.My dreams no longer define me. I am only what He says I am. Take the time to search your lives & surrender anything that you are still holding onto..You won't regret it 4 There is no dissapointment IN God. Love u all!

"Surrender" by Barlowgirl

My hands hold safely to my dreams
Clutching tightly not one has fallen
So many years I've shaped each one
Reflecting my heart showing who I am
Now you're asking me to show
What I'm holding oh so tightly
Can't open my hands can't let go
Does it matter?
Should I show you?
Can't you let me go?

"Surrender, surrender" you whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me. My dreams are me

You say you have a plan for me
And that you want the best for my life
Told me the world had yet to see
What you can do with one
That's committed to Your callingI know of course what I should do
That I can't hold these dreams forever
If I give them now to You
Will You take them away forever?
Or can I dream again?

"Surrender, surrender" you whisper gently
You say I will be free
I know but can't you see?
My dreams are me. My dreams are me

That Voice...

I'm holding on.
To what exactly?
I'm not so sure as yet.
There's something keeping me though.
It feels safe
so I won't let go.
It's strangely comforting.
I'm being called & I know it
and I'll lovingly accept that calling.
I've been scared and uncertain so many times,
but that voice...
it's...just soo comforting & compelling!
For some reason, I cannot resist. I MUST follow it.
That voice...oh how it sounds familiar! :)
It is the voice...
the one that stands out among the many in my head.
Those voices say, "I don't understand", "Will I be ok?", "Is this really how it's supposed to be?", "Will I lack anything?"
Those voices whine, "But God, this wasn't my plan", What if I feel alone?", "Whyy would put me in that exact position if it wasn't where I belonged?", "Are You sure that if I follow You wholeheartedly I will find the greatest sense of peace?"
But that voice...
That enchanting voice tells me a different story.
It sings my name & I love it.
That voice whispers, "Do not be afraid", "You can't see it all now but trust me."
That voice says "Nuh worry bout what you don't understand right now.", "I knoww it wasn't your plan, but I have a greater one", "Will you lack??? My love, I am, always have been & always will be more than ENOUGH", "Sweetheart, didn't I promise you that I will never fail you?"
So like I said...
I'm holding on.
To what exactly?
That voice...
The Voice of Truth.
That sweet voice is all I have & I'll be forever grateful;
For all my strength & all my hope lies within

that Voice...

The March of the Unqualified

You're broken, yea you know it.
You're losing hope and they begin to notice.
Eyes watch as your smile fades
into the shadow that still lingers.
You're losing strength and you can feel it.
Things aren't the same and they can tell.
You want to let it all go and fall...
this time not on your knees, but on your face.
You beg for freedom
but this still has you bound.

They wonder where your smile has gone;
others question, "Where is your God?"
but they can't hear when your Lord whispers,
"..as I was with Moses, so I will be with thee:
I will not fail thee nor forsake thee."

Don't be discouraged,
don't you know that we're Soldiers!
Though broken, torn and weary, we NEVER stop marching;
for we march not to the beat of this world,
but to the beat of Eternal Hope.

March on little soldier,
I'll hold your hand...just like you held mine.
Lift your head brave soldier,
& remember your words to me,
"The Anchor holds, though the ship is battered.
I know it's hard, but God is able."

March on dear soldier,
for this is not the end.
God hears your cry..
but this is bigger than you.

Hang on dear soldier,
you MUST survive,
so another success story can be told
& our Lord be glorified!



Dedicated to O.J
Love you my fellow sister in Christ

Sincerely, Broken Girl.

I'm the Broken girl
who's had her dreams, hopes & ambitions, shattered to pieces;
The Broken girl
who expectantly held onto those pieces, only to then have them ripped from my hands.
I'm the Broken girl
who's lost what meant most to her;
The Broken girl
who asks " Where does this end Lord?!"
I'm the Broken girl
who gave it all but can expect nothing in return
The Broken girl
who falls so often while trying to follow in her Saviour's steps.
I am the Broken girl
who's afraid to look up and afraid to hope;
The Broken girl
whose tears fall not only from her eyes, but from her soul.

I am the Broken girl
but pity me not,
for I rest in the arms of an unbreakable God!
I am the Broken girl
but I will be mended;
For I've been privileged to go under the knife of the Great Surgeon,
fortunate to be in the palms of the Great Potter,
and blessed to be in the presence of the True Healer.

YES I am the Broken girl
but I'm not ashamed!
For these scars are proof of Healing;
they no longer reflect pain.

My heart's cry - FILL ME

Is it possible for me to drop everything I've been holding & just run to You?
Is it possible for me to just have You, in Your Purest sense?
That's what I want - You; in an undiluted form.
Where's this Enchanted place Lord, where I can go to find ONLY You?

You told me to let go of my dreams and hold onto You instead and since then I just can't get enough.
Desperate is how it sounds & desperate is exactly what I am.
Is it possible for me to get my fill Lord?
Is it possible that You'll give me as much of You as I desire?
Is it possible that You long for my embrace even more than I crave Yours?
You stand there with outstretched arms, eagerly waiting don't You? :)

Purify me Daddy and meet me in this Enchanted place.
Reveal Yourself to me, EVERY..single..day, so that no day becomes meaningless.
Meet me face-to-face that I may cling to Your presence.
I want eyes and a mind that are fixated on You.
I want to sit at Your feet like a child; in complete awe & fascination.
I want to sit with a heart wide open, that's ready to pour out all I've brought to offer & with cupped palms..ready to get my fill.

Fill this desperate little girl Abba, for her soul yearns for You!
Fill this desperate little girl Lord, and let it overflow!
Let it overflow like the Mighty waters, so that others will see
that You are her Source,
And with cupped palms, run desperately to get their fill.

It's all about You

After listening to the song ‘It’s all about You’ repeatedly, I could acknowledge my most well learnt lesson in my walk with Christ – it’s not about me & it never was . When I gave my life to Christ, that should’ve meant giving him my will, my desires, my hopes, my dreams, my talents & receiving His instead. I had difficulty doing that because I wanted to see my dreams become a reality; I wanted to help God plan; be His little assistant or something. I still had hopes of doing this n becoming that, getting this & experiencing that, simply because I saw it suitable and that’s normal right? Well…I’ve realized that doing that means that I’m still holding on to a part of my life instead of leaving it in the Potter’s hand. Thank God he’s released my grip from my own life & opened my eyes. Since then, everything started to make sense. I understood why things happened the way they did in my life and I began to understand what God’s ulterior motive is in the lives of all Christians. This song explains it well – “It’s all about You Jesus & all this is for You, for Your Glory & Your Fame.”

Everything God does in our lives is for HIS glory. We can now see why God allows both good and bad to happen 2 us- so that he can be glorified. God doesn’t allow anything in life to happen unless it will bring Him glory. You see, we don’t live for ourselves; our lives no longer belong to us (or so it should be). Good things don’t necessarily happen to u because you’re good & bad things don’t necessarily happen to u because you’re bad. When something good happens in your life, it either results in you giving God glory or it touches someone else and then God is glorified in their eyes. When things don’t go our way at 1st and then God takes us through it, who gets glorified in the end? Yup, that would be God.

I’ve completely given up my life. It didn’t happen in one day and it definitely was a humbling experience. I’ve gone from overwhelmingly questioning God, to complete surrender. I no longer ask “Why can’t I fully focus on the things I do best, if I’m good at them?”, “How can you take this dream from me when I’ve had it all my life?”, “Why would you ask for my best gift; what means most to me, if You blessed me with it?” God needs things to play out a particular way so that he can be honoured; so people can see his greatness. He needs us to see that his grace is sufficient. He needed me to see that He alone is enough.

Our talents, our strengths, our weaknesses, our ambitions, our friends, our future and our circumstance are not by chance. All that we do and all that we go through affects someone, somewhere and it all brings glory to God. So….
I'll obey him because I love him
I'll still have faith because I trust him
I'll offer my best sacrifice, because he's worth it.
He alone is God & I'll surrender to His ways

~. Back to the Basics .~

Open our eyes Lord that we may see how far we've drifted from Your will.
Father forgive us, for:

* we have questioned Your Word and Your will, and called it "intellect".

* we have aimlessly attended church, and called it "worship".

* we have kept silent when others boldly went against Your will, and called it "tolerance".

* we have polluted our lips with profanity, and called it "freedom of speech".

* we have exposed and wrongly embellished YOUR TEMPLE, and called it "fashion".

* we have accepted unholy or profane music and called it "diversity".

* we have tried to juggle being of this world and being spiritual Christians, and called it "versatility".

* we have blindly requested things from You, and called it "prayer".

* we have repeatedly praised ourselves instead of giving YOU the credit, and called it "self-esteem" or "confidence".

* we have been sexually immoral, and called it "human nature".

* we have ignored You, doubted You, cursed You, disobeyed You, and STILL we call it "Love".

Hear our cry oh Lord and forgive us, for we know what we have done.
Guide us as we return... to the BASICS OF LIFE.

(Actually written 2 years ago)